2nd day of Yoga. feeling rusty

Word of warning, personal bits coming in a few..
I suppose its the cold and being indoors for too long thats making me come face to face with myself and all of those things we'd rather brush off, hoping it'll take care of itself. After giving birth I've gone through a total life change (as do all new parents, mothers). I've never felt so much love for another human being and so much responsibility at the same time - its almost scary. No words can fully describe its beauty. Yes, many challenges yet many surprises and new discoveries too.

So, where were we? That thing I'd been brushing off? Its me. I feel like I've been neglecting myself.

To be honest, its actually been nice not having to put on makeup or care much about the way I look for the last couple of months. I'm less self-conscious and thats a load off my mind and allows me to perform other things like work and being a mom with ease. My baby guru teaches me to live in the moment all the time - every wail, every diaper change, every giggle, each of his wriggly toes mesmerizing me and putting my mind off silly things like getting a haircut. He helps me focus on what matters. That being said, I think I matter and lately I've been feeling a bit lost, a bit elsewhere, waiting to come back to earth and inhabit my body once again.

Alison, an expat like me, wonderful being living in Tuscany, had this 30 days 2 change 1 thing program and I've been wanting to participate but couldn't nail down that one thing (I had several things in mind). I finally decided that doing yoga everyday for 30 days would do me good. Why? Its me making time with my body, giving it back some love and respect, and just being quiet with myself without judgement - peace is the word, I think. :) Its my 2nd day today and boy do I feel rusty.
A very quick report here.

And if anyone shares this dream of living sustainably in an open-mind/heart community, you'll be pleased to find out that it exists in reality. My friends in the Philippines are making it happen. Take a look and share your thoughts/dreams if you like.

La Verna

Anyone familiar with St. Francis of Assisi would probably think - oh, that hippie saint, barefoot walkin animal-whisperer. Yup thats the guy. Add stigmata to the list and you have one holy man. No joke though, I really do love him. A catholic rebel during his time, him and his ex girlfriend St. Clare revolutionizing prayer and devotion with heaps of LOVE, surrender, simpicity, co-habitation with mater natura and its creatures.

From La Verna

In the Face of Arrested Development

This is an "Aura" Photograph, also referred to as Kirlian Photography. Discovered by Semyon Kirlian who accidentaly discovered that if an object on a photographic plate is subjected to a strong electric field, an image is created on the plate. More here.

Managing Obsessions

for most people (if not all) general themes play in their lives based on their obsessions. its like the fragrance of your moments. for a certain period you might be largely goth and less zen, and perhaps intergalactic tree-hugger for the most part of summer and then brooding poet during the rainy seasons. it doesn't matter generally but it does color your life and not everyone remembers how a single thought, the paying attention to it that extends from a second to an hour, to a day, and then suddenly it shows in the way you dress, the way you talk, walk, kiss, shake hands.. its a big thing to entertain thoughts and yet we hardly remember that we choose it. and many times before we know it, its taken over us.

with more "in-ten-si-teh"

Lost in Translation, the film, has this unforgettable scene of Bill Murray being shot for this japanese whiskey commercial. of course, the japanese director finds it immensely difficult to relay his vision for the scene so he and this level1 english translator spend some time bantering in japanese. and after a seemingly vigorous discussion, the translator turns to Bill and very plainly says, "do it with more... in-ten-si-teh".

genderless

how in this system do they refuse spices that just may incite ideas of lust? spiritualists on the apex of practice. the refusal in itself out of fear of sexuality. others go the other end and bathe in as much as they can, only to drown, lost, oblivious in the oblivion.

where are the fearless? the true rebels? the real revolution is not where the soldiers go and polish their guns, or where men stand behind the pulpit preaching their harvest of "good" ideas. where are the faceless, naked and tall? barefoot walking against the concrete, the sand, the linoleum floor. feeling every crease and grain and sensation left to be felt. roughly scaling the tiny mountains at the foot of the real mountain. only skimming the surface. only washing our hands. only bathing in movie rain while everybody walks past in slow motion. well, cry as you please. scream. fall down on your knees with your head bent, palms facing upward. a surrender focused on cinematography and drama.

the fight is no fight. its the battle lost and won. moving pictures on a wall from a projector. the dancing of light.