Friday, June 10, 2011

Waiting Game

Isn't it in everyones highschool memory - a classroom of bored kids, not one raising their hand when the teacher raises a question? Ok, so maybe one or two achievers will take the chance and give it a go -but only when their absolutely certain they got the right answer. The rest, even those who know the answer, just wont.

But what about situations with no exit, situations that require you to choose, to pass the exam, to cross the bridge? Most people still prefer to take the last turn, skirting the edges like they could avoid it, pretending its not happening until it does and when it really does, it happens. and then its over. it wasn't so bad afterall.

I call it the waiting game. The futile passing of time, the avoidance of truth, the resistance to accept what is there, and the dark cloud of nostalgia playing repeat scenes of things that just aren't happening anymore - now. One such case is a close acquaintance that just really annoys me with looong extended discussions over the past and wishes without taking any real action in making them happen. It ticks me off more than normal, like an inactive volcano suddenly billowing dark smoke.

Perhaps the pregnancy is making me less and less tolerant. Knowing well that the impending birth of my baby is inevitable and unavoidable, I find it appaling to have someone complain about the slightest discomfort (or non-discomfort). If after a while it starts to sound like whining, I'll really have to contain myself or I'll have to bluntly have them shape up soon or I'll be forced to inflict physical harm.

I've always been a peace-loving, tree-hugging, spiritual junkie type but these days I'm sharpening my wits, getting ready for the last phase of this creation story in my belly. I've never been more honest and frank before and it actually feels good to just get it out there, have the world take it as it is - its big and strong enough to handle it anyway.

So thats it. Dissapointment is part of not getting what you want, but thats normal, it happens and it ought to happen. How boring to have everything going perfectly well all the time - you'll thank life for that later, I'm sure.

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